What woman these days isn’t completely worn out by the end of the week? Or day! We sure expect a lot from ourselves, and we somehow have it in our heads that our lives are a competition. My neighbor is better looking, more fit, a more creative cook, and serves in more volunteer positions than I do. That may or may not be true, but the truth is…it just isn’t relevant!
Women have a tendency to judge by outward appearances. We do it to ourselves, and each other. I would never send my kids to school with their hair messy and their teeth un-brushed. Heaven forbid that the teacher would notice foul breath! Aren’t we careful to make sure that they have their lunch with them… and a jacket because rain is in the forecast? I care that my son has the correct color socks that match his baseball uniform, and that his nails are clean and trimmed when he performs on the piano. I would be devastated to realize that I had not sent in the field trip form on time, forgotten to bring snacks for the soccer team, or failed to pick up my daughter from the library.
Funny how those things will make us squirm, but why doesn’t it bother us to send our husbands out into the world without them being taken care of? You know what I mean – Is my husband confident he is loved? Is he secure in his role as my friend and lover? Does he know that I will fulfill his physical needs?
I’ll tell you why it doesn’t bother us – because the results aren’t obvious to a casual observer. If I leave my daughter stranded at the library and another mom has to drive her home, then it’s obvious that I made a mistake. If I fail to bring snacks to the soccer team when it was my turn, then I clearly messed up. Clean teeth and tidy hair just screams “mother of the year award”, so we pay more attention to things that SHOW.
So picture this – my husband enters his office and the receptionist says,
“Good morning, how are you today?”
My husband replies,
“Well, I’ve tried to put on a happy face, but I haven’t seen my wife naked in weeks. She’s been so busy putting together the neighborhood garage sale and planning our 11-year-old’s birthday party, I hardly rate for a quick hug and kiss lately.”
I am so grateful my husband would NEVER divulge private information like that! And that’s precisely the point, isn’t it? Because they don’t go around announcing their disappointment, it doesn’t show. Because they stifle their frustration, it isn’t noticed. We get away without being judged.
I would like to submit my funny story about a recipe for success. Years ago my husband and I had three little kids. Our oldest was in 1st grade, one was in preschool and the baby unexpectedly fell asleep in my arms. I thought to myself of all the things I would be able to accomplish with a sleeping baby, then instead picked up the phone and called my husband, whose office was only 15 minutes away.
“Hi Honey”, I said, “Would you like to come home for lunch today?
His reply was,
“Oh that’s allright, I just ate, but thanks!”
The revelation came to me when I put the phone down that it had been so long since I had made the first move in our romantic life, that my husband had forgotten what a come-on from his wife sounded like. Not to worry, his testosterone-based hormone levels quickly reminded him of some long-forgotten pastime and he called me back in about three minutes.
“Okay, so when you called me just now and asked me to come home for lunch, did you mean…”
“I’ll be right there”
He was home in 10 minutes.
So here is your recipe for success:
Make a sandwich. Call your husband at work. Ask him to come home for lunch.
The sandwich may be consumed before or after you remind your man how much you physically need him. Serves 2. (In more ways than one!)
Don’t worry about getting a button that says, “I loved my man today”, or World’s best Lover” to pin on him when you send him back to work. The results aren’t obvious to anyone else – only to the one who matters.
As I’m writing this, I wonder if my husband has plans for lunch today. I think I will give him a call.
Alicia Steel is blog contributor and dating consultant of Loveawake.com – the fast-growing online dating site serving. She has been covering online dating, relationships, online and marriage niche since 2009. She loves sharing meaningful content that educates and inspires people to bring their dreams into reality